Jealousy
by ne0dymium
Summary: Modern AU OneShot where Yuu and Mika are roommates: Mika thought that Yuu would always be by his side.


"Really? Shinoa asked you out?" Mika asked.

Mika paid it no mind; he knew Yuu was not a sort that would delve into romance. Besides, Shinoa knew nothing about Yuu compared to himself.

He kept his head bowed to the book he was reading, and stifled a smile.

 _She's foolish._

"Yeah, she was really nervous about it at first... and it was sudden too, but she did," Yuu smiled bashfully and scratched the back of his neck. "And...uh..."

"And what?" Mika drawled, expecting the usual.

 _I turned her down, duh._

"...I said yes."

Mika looked up from his book.

Yuu grinned at the recollection and continued, "We're going for a date tomorrow at that fancy Italian restaurant...What's it called? _Shoe-pin_?" Yuu said, wracking his brain for the right pronunciation.

Mika forced a smile and replied, "It's _Choupinette,_ and its though, I'm sure it'll be fun." _Without me_.

Yuu chuckled. "Yeah...but I don't know...I'm a little nervous."

"Why?" _Don't tell me you're in love with her._

"I mean...You know I eat like a wolf. I wonder if that'll bother her. I don't want to disappoint her," Yuu flung himself on the couch beside Mika and sighed heavily, "I really like her."

The words jabbed at Mika.

"Don't worry, she'll like you just fine." Mika said softly, trying to hide his discomfort. _If she doesn't, you can come back to me. "_ How long has this been going on?"

"Oh you know..." Yuu started, but his words faded into meaningless chatter as Mika observed him talk.

He looked so absorbed, so passionate. It warmed Mika's heart but also threatened to crush it with the weight of its message.

 _He's in love._

"...Mika? Hey, you listening?" Yuu snapped, looking at Mika with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh. Yeah, go on," Mika lied.

"So I was thinking that I buy her a gift or something, then surprise her after our date. You think it'll work?"

"I'm sure she'll love you for it." The words tasted bitter on his tongue."Just...don't get her a horse mask like you did to Mitsuba. Or that banana holder you got for Kimizuki. Or that-"

"Alright!" Yuu said exasperatedly. "I get it, now would you stop harrassing me? That was a long time ago."

"I don't think a year is long at all."

"I thought the banana holder was useful!"

Seeing Yuu pout like a child, Mika couldn't help but chuckle.

Mika recalled Yuu's other ridiculous birthday gifts -A toilet bowl mug, glow-in-the-dark gloves and even fake piercings- and smiled. He hasn't changed a bit.

 _Or has he?_

The smile slowly faded from Mika's face.

 _Please don't._

* * *

Mika sat on the couch, staring at the television. Alone.

It was 8 'o'clock and Yuu had left the apartment half an hour ago for his date with Shinoa.

The house was dark, save for the small television screen that was showing _Penguins Of Madagascar_ with its volume lowered.

But Mika wasn't watching whatever was airing on television. It only served as white noise -a distraction- to all his thoughts and feelings.

Inside Mika his head whirled and contorted and it hurt, _it really_ _hurt,_ but it was alright.

 _Because_ _I can just watch TV, it doesn't matter when you watch TV because the characters aren't real, the story isn't real, nothing is and you can forget about everything that's happening because it isn't real either._

But Mika couldn't.

The noise from the television grew distant.

It didn't make any sense. None of it did.

 _I knew him best. He was my best friend. We were together long before Shinoa met him. So why...?_

 _Why did you choose her instead?_

Mika winced at those words.

He didn't want to believe it; ever since the previous day, he had been denying the fact that Yuu and Shinoa are together.

 _Dating._

Mika buried his fingernails in his jeans.

 _It doesn't make sense it doesn't make sense_

He had always thought he knew Mika better than anyone else. They did almost everything together. He couldn't remember a time when they were apart. They even _live together_ now, for god's sake. They went to Kindergarten, elementary school, high school and even college together. He thought of them as brothers, _soulmates_ , even. Inseparable.

He never confessed his feelings of course, he never felt like it was the right time. But _Jesus Christ_ couldn't Yuu see how much he meant to him?

The thought of Yuu being with someone else always seemed so abstract and remote,Mika was never able to grasp the concept. He always thought it was impossible.

He's seen Yuu with girls too, he was never one to flirt or make advances; sexual or otherwise. It seemed to him that Yuu wasn't attracted to anybody in particular, and that was more than alright for Mika.

But it turns out he was wrong.

 _What did they do together without me?_

Mika thought long and hard.

Shinoa wasn't much; she was just a girl that shared the same class as Yuu. Just another girl whom was brushed off by Yuu multiple times as " _Just a classmate_ ".

 _I guess you don't know him as well as you think_.

"Shut up," Mika groaned angrily.

He could imagine; Yuu throwing glances at Shinoa when he wasn't looking, or Yuu secretly writing notes and dropping them into Shinoa's locker, and Shinoa returning those favours.

 _All without him in the picture_.

He lay down on the couch.

 _Maybe he did fall in love slowly. It wasn't as sudden as you think. You were just too sure of yourself. You stopped noticing the changes and he slipped out of your fingers like water._

 _"Fuck,"_ Mika said in protest, and turned on his other side.

Why was he so angry with Yuu? Shouldn't he be happy that his friend found someone to love?

 _Someone else_?

He groaned again and returned to his sitting position.

 _Don't deceive yourself._ _You know why you aren't happy. You always thought of Yuu as your own. You were selfish and kept him all to yourself. Now you're j-_

"No." Mika said to himself. "Don't think-"

 _Jealous_.

The word was harsh and bitter and stung Mika with its mocking tone.

 _Jealous_.

It rang continuously in his brain and each time it was said, he could feel the acid that tainted the horrible, almost scandalous word as it burned in his mind painfully, threatening to erode and devour him completely.

 _You're Jealo-_

Mika stood up from the couch and reached for his keys on the coffee table.

"I gotta go get some fresh air," He muttered to himself and walked towards the door.

* * *

A festive atmosphere enveloped the streets of Kanto.

The lamp posts and trees were decorated with colourful lights and ornaments; tiny plastic snowflakes hung from the front door of their apartment building as Mika pushed it open and stepped out onto the streets.

 _Isn't in only December the 1st?_

The people of Kanto enjoyed premature Christmas decorating immensely, it seemed.

The night air was cool, crisp and clear, it calmed Mika's nerves almost immediately after he stepped out.

 _This'll help cool my head._

Mika walked along the shops lining the pavement, passing by countless children accompanied by their parents; some were out for a sumptuous dinner, some had their faces pressed onto the display windows outside the shops, begging for the newest toy. Regardless, they were beaming from ear to ear and their smiles were dangerously infectious, compelling Mika to smile along with them.

It helped lighten his mood.

 _Yeah, see? You're fine. All you needed was a bit of fresh air. That's all._

After almost half an hour, Mika felt refreshed and relieved. It was as if the pain before never existed.

Mika's stomach rumbled.

 _Maybe I should get something to eat...Something small would do..._

He changed his direction and headed for the closest convenience store.

Mika began to feel incredulous about feeling that way about them. He was acting like some sort of petty school girl. It was laughable to him now, and he didn't hesitate to dismiss it all as a fraud.

It all made sense after a walk. Yuu could never fall in love with another girl. He belonged to Mika. They spent their entire lives with each other, and no one could take Yuu away from him. Later Yuu will come running back because he'll realise that Shinoa wasn't who he wanted all along, and everything will be like it used to.

 _See? I didn't have to feel - . I'm fine. Feeling - was stupid of me._

Yet there was no mention of that word. That hideous,dreadful word. It hung in the corner of his mind like fog; waiting for a window of opportunity, to swarm in and to consume-

He brushed away his thoughts immediately.

 _I'm fine. See? We're at the store._

He opened the door, the bell atop of it tinkling cheerfully as if welcoming and comforting him.

* * *

Mika walked out of the store with bread and a few other groceries he had not intended to buy before. Halfway through his purchase he was reminded of their home's shortage of food and so ended up buying a bag full of snacks, drinks and the like.

 _Yuu better thank me when he gets back._

Mika was just about to finish his snack when he noticed a finely decorated restaurant across the street. He couldn't help but pause and look into the glass window, admiring the well-dressed and wealthy couples, families and individuals having dinner.

It reminded him of a certain someone.

 _I hope Yuu has fun on his date._

 _I hope he finds out who will make him happy._

He continued on his way, down the pavement towards his home when suddenly, something glints in the corner of his eye.

He turned his head towards the restaurant and sees Yuu and Shinoa standing outside the restaurant, just after their dinner date.

He almost feels the tightening in his chest and the weakening of his arms and knees; he almost feels-

 _No. I'm fine._

 _Yuu's happy only with_ _ **me**_ _._

He told himself so when Yuu was holding Shinoa's hand outside the restaurant, he told himself so when Yuu took out the necklace he bought her the day before and put it around Shinoa's neck, and he told himself so even when they smiled at each other lovingly afterwards.

A claw reached from the depths of his stomach and moved towards his heart.

 _I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine I'mfine I'm fine Imfine_

 _But he can't look away._

He feels the drops of acid hanging heavily on the word.

 _Jealous._

This time it's deafening; it shrieked and taunted at Mika, gnawed and burnt at the back of his mind as the the claw gripped at his chest and tightened its hold, tormenting him.

His breath is heavy now, and he wants to leave, to look away and to go back to the apartment to watch television and to remind himself that _nothing is real_ , but he stayed frozen on the pathway, with his groceries spilled out over the pavement floor.

The _Jealousy_ is overwhelming now, drilling repeatedly: _You're Jealous you're jealous you'rejealousyourejealous_

 _Take what's yours. She doesn't deserve him. Go now Step forward go now go please You want him back Bring Yuu back stop it no please_

He almosts moved, out of anger -anger that Yuu deserves to be happier with _his love,_ because he was almost fully convinced that Shinoa could never give Yuu what he did.

Almost.

Until he saw Yuu lean towards Shinoa and, while blushing, he kissed her on her lips.

 _Yuu smiled_.

Mika's mind went blank.

There was something about that smile, something that was so reassuring and bright and familiar, something that used to fill Mika with warmth and optimism, but now instead brimmed Mika with black, heavy _grief._

They don't notice him though.

Even when he broke down in the middle of the streets, crying out for something he always longed for but never had.


End file.
